City Musings

I started to compose a poem in my mind as I walked down the city streets to the basement office where I volunteer every other week.  The idea seemed good, and I had the first two lines and the framework for several more.  I thought they would come quickly back when I could sit down and write them.  But at the office other things came up, and I didn’t get to think about the poem till I got home.  And then it was something like waking up from a dream that had seemed very profound but that I couldn’t make sense of at all.  I remembered a few words but not how they came together.  After I thought I would give up, it came together, though I think it’s quite different from what was in my mind earlier:
Bully without a pulpit
I walked, entreating the collective mind
Look: who you are is not defined
by what you buy, or tastes refined
through careful choice of things designed
to show your status and proclaim
alignment with some product’s name
I stepped into the crosswalk, feeling wise
to turn from all the billboards for the prize
of seeing how much better we are known
for what we’ve striven for, what we have honed
through stretching into what the day demands
through what we make with our own hands
I liked my words – I thought they would compel
except I didn’t know who I could tell.


©Wendy Mulhern
April 11, 2011



End of Day

I close my eyes and ask the energy
from my industrious dogged exertion,
like tide returning to come back to me,
restore me in a slow and strong immersion.
In steady march, all of the day’s demands
required my work, persistence and attention;
I powered through them all, and though my hands
grew raw, accomplished my intention.
There was a place of stillness when I felt
a moment’s rest was all that I would need
and though the space of peacefulness was well
my weary head demanded that I heed
the time of tides, that can’t be rushed, must flow
at their own pace, and when they’ve covered me, I’ll know.


©Wendy Mulhern
April 8, 2011



A Mom’s Lament

He plays the cello suite

in a wrong tuning
The lowest string not dropped,
 each bass note
a step too high – rude barging 
into an otherwise soothing song
It is a musical joke.
He plays with his eyes closed
shifting inexorably 
towards the horizontal
from which he leveraged himself, 
with great groanings
demagnetized himself, most laboriously, 
from the computer screen
after playing, lying down with his travel guitar, 
a lament about having to rise.
He digresses to trim his fingernails
But I shall have music.  Eventual music.
It is my hope.  It would be a sweet fruit 
of weary repetitious prodding.
I am here to encourage him
to curl into his space among the animals
on the bed.  To occupy it
so it won’t pull him so quickly back.
How is it that this job belongs to me?
Or have I brought it down on my own head?
by too high expectations or by being too low key?
this daily nagging (begging) I have come to dread?


©Wendy Mulhern
April 5, 2011






Lucid Dreaming

I think I had a lucid dream, he said
I realized I was dreaming so I worked on how to fly
I fell out of that dream into another one
where I was here in bed, and you and Heather had come home.
I think I had a lucid dream, in that
a nightmarish beligerancy vanished
with hardly any memory, no caustic
bitterness deposited around my mouth
or eyes, no nagging tension at my neck
or eyebrows.  Just a liquid sweet connection
with a languid waker from deep sleep.
who said, yeah, I was just too tired
to think straight.  I’ll listen to you next time.
OK.  I didn’t buy the nightmare.  I held out
for a better dream.  And look! At least
right in this moment, here it is.
©Wendy Mulhern
April 4, 2011



Getting over it

I wrote a mournful little litany of things I was sorry for today – for botching a conversation with my son and a paint scraping job in the bathroom; for missing the game night tonight, which I wanted to attend but realized, when we were thick in paint chips and insulation dust at 6:30, that it wasn’t going to happen.  But though it made me appropriately weepy to write it, I wasn’t willing to let it stand.  This pep talk came to my rescue when I broke a fingernail.  Its rhyme and rhythm saved me.
Sorries
My sorries yawn like caverns in clouds across the sky
gray on gray, dark stretching mouths that moan and fly
and gobble joys and happy memories
and fling down rain, and petty miseries
Get over it! For what can it avail
to be caught up in all the things that fail
a missed good bye, a broken fingernail?
It’s your choice if the darkness will prevail.
So I cajole myself, for so I hope to rally
To float beyond the mournful, moping tally
of all the things I did that came to grief
(all three of them!) it is beyond belief
that you would let such trifles win the day
Go write a poem, and let them drift away.
©Wendy Mulhern
April 2, 2011


Time, and time again

Tomorrow begins National Poetry Month, and today I spent some time on poets.org, following links from their Poetry 101 page, looking at their list of poets who have defined the poetic landscape, hungrily pouring input into the cavernous gap of my ignorance. Later, while I was scrubbing the tub, I thought of two sentences: “It was so old, I was surprised to find it true;” and, “It was so true, I was surprised to find it old.”  They reflected a feeling I got while reading the poems – that our sense of literary time is different from our sense of current time, though both are real in their ways.  As a child, I mourned my lack of the landscape of stories, wishing to trade my suburban environment for the woods, the meadows, the villages that I found in books. Now these things are even further from current experience, but they seem to live on in our language of imagery.
Story Time
One part of life moves through the surface day
the texting, facebook, groceries, price of gas
Another part moves half submerged
through caves and pools of leavings from the past
This memory, this story, this impression
from which we make our maps, decide our goals
was formed before today’s brash supercession
erased the landmarks, swept away the trails
The little house, the woods, the town – all gone
The farm, the friendly neighbors, wilderness
The landscapes we imagine can’t be found
within this GPS’d and fractured place
But still we walk these paths, in stories, dreams
Within our inner world their presence gleams.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 31, 2011





A bit of frivolity

It was an active day today, and at the end of it, I chose to watch a show with my family instead of writing a poem.  In the interests of togetherness, frivolity is sometimes appropriate.  So in the frivolous mode I set by my actions this evening, I will share my most recent verse about pulling ivy:
The Yard Waste Truck Comes Early Tomorrow Morning
I raked the ground so I could see
where roots and shoots protruded
so all the ivy finally
could truly be uprooted
It isn’t done, the roots remain
their network branches deep
They’ve had some years to make their claim
within the yard waste heap
Year upon year of heaped neglect
I strive to overcome
No more than what one would expect
in maintenance of a home
A basic fact I somehow never grasped
Till tangled up in all I had let lapse.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 27, 2011



Weather Report II

No, this isn’t about the first day of spring, except in the way it was colder and wetter than hoped for, and felt bleaker since I was expecting warmer.  It’s rather about the way a cold front, when it comes in, needs to move through before it clears.  The argument I wrote about yesterday was not, despite what the poem seemed to indicate, solved at once.  Today I felt bleak and bleary, and grouchy.  But I took a bike ride in the late afternoon, for fresh air and to find a poem.  I liked the poem I found – the rhythm appropriately pugnacious.  And the ride and the poem revived me.  
A riddle: why not settle into grouchiness
growl, baleful, at the fickle sky and shake your fist
succumb to world’s weight drag down into slouchiness
call it one of those days that – face it – won’t be missed?
Indeed, it seems the path of least resistance
Why summon up the needed grim persistence?
When has the sun come out through sheer insistence?
To find success would seem to need a sixth sense
But maybe if you wait a bit you’ll find one
Surprising uplift can come up behind one
and tickle evil feelings till they’re undone
and dissipate like fog banks in the bright sun
The answer: sure, be grouchy if you must
The light will still come reignite your trust.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 21, 2011



Fractured Discourse

Yesterday I followed, on the site of the Academy of American Poets, a discourse between a white male poet and a black female poet about race, and a series of letters that she then invited to open up the dialog.  One point made was that the community of poets was itself a small, white group, dripping with privilege, though thinking their modest salaries made them immune to such designation.  I started thinking the issue was maybe not so much what people choose to say about race as who is saying it, whose voice gets the chance to be heard.  And that this particular society of poets was perhaps a small group, and there were others, but their circles might never intersect.
Also yesterday, incensed by things I was hearing from the far right, I started to pen an apology to President Obama:
“I fear we are a nation of buffoons
I witnessed it on Youtube yesterday . . .”
(that’s as far as I got)
These two threads of thought wove together to form the following:
Trying to Make Ourselves Heard
We speak in fractured space
Our stories are refracted
confined within our shards
that cut off interaction
Our words reflect back inward
from the walls of our partitions
and no one on the outside
can hear us anymore
What does it matter to them what we have to say?
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
. . . . . babel . . . .
And so they left off to build the city.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 17, 2011



Lurching Forward

My family, befuddled by the lurch of springing forward
totters through the starting steps of day
We stumble toward the afternoon at risk of crashing floor-ward
It isn’t our design to live this way
In nature’s wisdom, light’s return comes incrementally 
a quiet step on each side of the day
But commerce grabs the hour of evening greedily
without a care what we may have to say
It turns its gears and spits us night for morning
We reel and grumble to our daily tasks
But then our equilibrium adjusts itself, and slowly
we rise from depths towards what the morning asks
No worries – light’s swift wings will overtake us
bear us up where true spring can embrace us.


©Wendy Mulhern
March 15, 2011